Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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