ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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