Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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