im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
