Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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