OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
