Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize