He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
