I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
