i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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