is wine microwaveable?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize