I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
