UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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