I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
