So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
