Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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