I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
