I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
