We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
