The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
