I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
