i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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