guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize