she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
