I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
