i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
