Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
