id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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