Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
