Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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