She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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