So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
