Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
