Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
