it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
