you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
