I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
