found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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