I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
