Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
