So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize