would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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