i permit you to call me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
