Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think a kid would responsible me up
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need water and some morals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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