Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
