I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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