we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
