Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
