Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
