Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
