i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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