I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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