Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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