the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
