I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
