just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize