NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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