Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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