My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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