false alarm. still invincible.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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