Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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