Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
