Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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