I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
...so i touched it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
