the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
