there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
