Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
