I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
