bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
