You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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