the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
