i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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