Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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