Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
