then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
